Megan’s friend sent her this well after our one-year anniversary. It’s an email that she wrote to some of her friends detailing what ended up being her last date before meeting me. Â It’s quite interesting and has LOTS of pointers for what NOT to do during a date. Here goes.
Some of us have the luxury of finding “the one” easily, but most of us have to search for that person. I myself have been on that search for a long time. As some of you know, I recently signed up for e-harmony in hopes of narrowing down that search. But after my last date I have many questions about what a personality profile is and how does it help you find a soul mate. If someone thinks there funny, will I think they’re funny too? If they state they are a nice person, will I think they’re nice? Or are they just nice to the people they know?
Let me give you a little bit of info to setup the story. A match from e-harmony contacted me, we’ll call him Ken (because that’s his name). Well Ken and I went through the bullshit procedure on the website and he asked me to meet him on a date. We went to The Happy Gnome in St.Paul. It was very strange meeting him but I drank down some of the nerves with a glass of wine. We had an okay dinner, small talk trying to get a feel for the other person (not that kind of feel). I really was not feeling the sparks but I tried to pass it off that it was because I only had one glass of wine and my nerves were in the way. When the check came, Ken grabbed it and paid with a card. I was horrified by the 10% tip he left, but who was I to say anything? I just got a free dinner. We said goodnight and parted ways.
Ken called me the next week and asked if I wanted to go out on a date. He said we could meet at the mall of America or he would cook me dinner at his place. I thought right away his place. This would give me a chance to see how he is in an environment he is comfortable with. So when I arrived at his place he gave me a little tour (even showing me the garage. Who does that?). We than went into the kitchen, I was very curious about what was for dinner. Ken walks over to the microwave, and to my unbelieving eyes, pulls out two lean cuisine microwavable entrees.
I was ready to leave, but what did I do? I told him “this is nice, thanks for inviting me over.” “Would you like something to drink?” Ken asks me. And i asked him what he has. He starts at the top “water, soy milk, juice, wine, and beer” Well I jump on a glass of wine (I’m going to need it to wash down the chicken and vegetable dish with noodles in a light cream sauce that just came out of the microwave).
Ken pulls out a bottle of wine from the back of the fridge and set it on the counter. I thought nothing could be worse than a microwavable dinner on a date, but then the wine came out. It was a bottle of some cheap red wine, which I usually do not mind. But this bottle was different. It was already 2/3 gone and it was cold (you drink red at room temp for those of you who don’t know). He pours me a glass and the red is darker than normal (a sign that it is no longer at it’s prime, aka shit!)
We then take our food to the dining room table to enjoy the evening of terrible wine and tasteless food neatly displayed in a little plastic disposable tray. How can it get any worse than this? Well I’ll tell you.
Conversation was a little tough, so I asked him questions about the items displayed in his house. A giant 3 foot statue of a Chinese woman in a kimono all decked out in cheap gold and fake pearls. A throw rug that looked like it came from my grandma’s house. The wide screen TV at his kitchen table (hooked up and ready to be used). The enormous decorative wooden boat taking up all of his coffee table. The list goes on.
The conversation then changes and we talk about ourselves. Ken can’t get over how perfect of a match we are, and I am so ready to go home. “oh, you love coffee too. We are a perfect match.” “What, you hate laundry too! another dimension of perfect compatibility.” “Wow, I hate really hot weather too. We are so perfect for each other.” If that was all it took, than I think I am compatible with most of the people in this world. He then started with comments that really scared me. “You can bring your laundry over to my house and I’ll do it for you.” “Our parents live so close, we can go see them both at the same time.” “you can move in with me, that way you only need to have one job.” Keep in mind he is not a psycho, I just think he’s relationship challenged.
The night pretty much ended there. He tried to get me to stay for a movie but I told him it was too late and I have to get going home (it was 9:30, not even close to my bed time).
I don’t think I will ever look at a microwaveable dinner the same way again, and I have a better appreciation for boxed wine because it stays fresh after opening. I do have his number if any of you are interested in an entertaining evening. Just let me know. I hope this e-mail makes you laugh, I know I can’t stop laughing. TTFN Megan
Makes me seem like quite the catch 
