I watched “Second Skin” tonight. The point of the documentary is to show the world of online gaming to non-gamers and possibly show the gamers that watch what their lives might be like in a positive and negative way.

The editors did an excellent job of showcasing individuals that ranged from the experienced and hard-core to the obsessed and addicted. They also showed couples that met by playing these games.

If you take my NES days into account, I have been a gamer since I was 10. However my first brush with Role Playing Games was a board game that my older brother had purchased. I can’t remember the name of it, but I do remember the hours that were spent setting up, playing, and thinking about the game. My next experience was “Eye of the Beholder” on the same brother’s Amiga system.

I didn’t get into Massive Multi-player Online Role Playing Games until about 2002 when I became a beta tester for Puzzle Pirates by Three Rings.  Yes, it’s not World of Warcraft or Everquest, but it ran on the computer I had at the time. The game is simple. A player run economy filled with all the piratey goodness one could want, including crews, flags, and governance of islands. I ran my own crew, was prince of a flag, and helped other flags take over islands on many occasions.

I did get addicted. My ex-wife (at the time, wife) was addicted as well. We would play for hours. At one point we even hired a babysitter to watch the kids so that we could participate in large events; some of which we helped plan and recruit for. I was working 6-on 2-off shifts at the prison as a guard at the time and during the week days that I didn’t work and the kids were in school I would play.

The gaming found its own way out of my system. I had switched jobs to get a day shift and 3 months later I was out of work due to a layoff. We started renovating the house and started making friends in town whom we would hang out with in ‘real’ social situations. I use the term ‘real’ very loosely since the relationships and friendships I had ingame were just as good as some that I had outside the game.

I’m lucky. Gaming didn’t ruin that relationship, our incompatibility with each other did. However, I spent so much time playing and building relationships with people that after taking almost a year off from it I couldn’t really get back into it.  About once every 18 months or so since 2006 I have renewed my annual subscription with the intent of making it a habit again. However I can’t. I go through short bursts of interest and typically within a few weeks it sputters out.

Watching the show tonight helped me understand why I can’t get into a game anymore for long. I used to game to escape. When I moved to cities in 2000 I didn’t have many friends in the area. As such I didn’t really get out too much. I was able to escape the loneliness I was feeling by putting myself into a different world. I was able to portray myself as I saw myself. At the time I was still getting over high school’s pressures to be someone that I wasn’t. I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem and my self-confidence was low (though I did a good job hiding that by joking around constantly). I still joke around, but that’s because I like to.

I no longer need to escape. I have an awesome circle of friends and even though I play periodically I enjoy the physical world a lot more. Which is why the games that I’ve been playing lately are Call of Duty or card games online through Pogo. They aren’t community games per se, but they satisfy my need for playing some sort of game.

Tags: because i don't have enough to think about