Bria asked a good question last night:
“Chivalry is…” I am writing about this. So tell me- To you, What is chivalry?
I don’t want to steal her thunder in writing about this and I’ll give her full credit for making me think of this.
What is chivalry to me?
It goes beyond opening doors and pulling out chairs; I do the former out of habit and courtesy. The definition of chivalry isn’t just about doing things for women, but was originally a knight’s code of honor. (reference.com source). This included courtesy towards women, but also bravery, generosity, and piety.
I was brought up this way. Not just respecting women, but being courteous in general. It’s always occurred to me to be helpful and share as often as I can. To me this means that if I have an open arm I’ll open the door, carry the bag, or just ask if I can help. I don’t mind it when people say no; it was just a question.
Megan and I once helped a man with a hoverround get down a flight of stairs. This was actually the second time we’d seen him in her building trying to get down the stairs. The first time he politely said “No thank you” but the second time he accepted our offer and was very grateful. In that case both of us were chivalrous or just plain helpful. He wasn’t in our way to get out of the building and his getting down the stairs successfully didn’t change our day. In fact the only reason I thought about it was because I’m writing this post. I could go on with some of the random small things I’ve done that I remember, but I won’t. The ones that I remember are normally the situations where I met someone new or had a brief conversation with them after I helped out even if I was never going to see them again.
There have been times where I’ve been admonished for being helpful or chivalrous to which I responded with the question “Would you have complained also if I didn’t open the door for you?” Those dates never ended well.
Back to the now traditional meaning of chivalry. I don’t open doors for women because I think they can’t do it themselves. For that matter I open doors for men just as much. I don’t help people with random things because I don’t think they can do it themselves. I like to be helpful. Yes, I am one of those people that stop on the side of the road when I see someone’s hazards flashing (usually just in the winter because getting stranded sucks).
People can do most things for themselves, what makes us human is going beyond self. I don’t require a reward, but getting a thank you is often more than enough.
Chivalry isn’t just in helping other people when you’re there, it’s about your demeanor and behavior in general as well.
Bria, I hope I answered your question.
–dez
